The Life of Glory

July 2012 " 'I can do all things through him who strengthens me' has been my mantra for many years but recently a woman from my church gave me the okay to say "I can't." She said 'we are only human, we have   limits .' It is very hard for me to admit that. However, the freedom I have had this month by simply saying "I can't" and knowing that God gets it, is extraordinary. For the truth of the matter is that I can't handle this. I can't handle leaving church because my right arm won't work and I'm terrified it will move to the rest of my body and cause a scene. I might endure it, for I have no choice, but I really can't physically, emotionally or spiritually handle it. I'm going on 7 years of living like this, a slave to my body, with no answer as to why. And now it has progressed to a stage that prevents me from working like a normal person. Yet  God gave us himself so we can live in the freedom of "I can...

Sometimes the serene mountain life is too solitary, I'll admit it. Most of my hiking is done with Henry as my only companion. This is, much of the time, fine by me. I'll pack my imagination and we are off to discover new and familiar parts of Plumas County. Lately though, I have been too tired and trying really hard not to "overdo it" (as so many people warn me against). I can't afford to have a bad day on a work day, but where is the fine line? I question whether I have been babying my body too much and am just a slave to fear that I'll have another episode. Or am I doing exactly what my body needs to have more good days? This degenerative disease is not so fun, especially as a single, independent woman who needs to pay bills. Thankful for the friends who constantly look out for me around here! Dreaming of a picnic...

Have you ever lost hope? I did. Last year, in the midst of being bed-ridden and finding no answers from the doctors treating me, I stopped believing that I was worth anything. As a result, I did not think that YHWH would ever bless me. So when I say that I feel so blessed right now, you should understand that this is a BIG deal! The past 3 years have been more than rough in ways I just don't have enough space to explain here. I was grabbing at straws trying to come up with "plans" to make myself feel better about my future. I started pursuing music full time because I thought it was all I had left to give society and pay my bills. Then, Yah started opening doors. I, of course, freaked out at the uncertainty of it all and walked through with my eyes shut tight. Yet, now I have two of the best jobs possible for me and get to spend time with the most amazing people while I do them! What is truly spectacular is that this time last year I thought I was rapidly headed toward p...

S ometimes you just need an excuse to dress up and watch a movie! Last June (2012), after my near fatal bout with influenza, I had been mostly bedridden for three months. I was making good headway toward more frequent walks beyond the front door. Even driving around being a part time nanny! (Although I still had to sleep the entire time the kids were in school to have any kind of energy and that didn't always work). So, I took a break from my sorrows and spent six hours of bliss, with tea, snacks and good fellowship.  These two extraordinary women with me in the photograph hosted a themed Pride & Prejudice  viewing party that we all dressed up for. My own dear Junia Leigh (one of the besties) and her beautiful mother, whom I call Marmie. They are both stunning examples of strength, perseverance, gentleness, ingenuity and womanhood in general! With my sweet sister Junia, the kindest soul I know, and her fearless honesty by my side. Then beautiful Marmie with ...

Yah took time to enjoy  all that He had made in the creation process. At the end of each day, he stopped and saw that it was "good." Then he took a day of rest to really enjoy it. We, however, often overlook the beautiful. Caught up in ourselves, our tasks, money, or having fun, we don't take time to really enjoy what is right in front of us. So, I've been training myself to notice. I have a photo album that says "Happiness" on the front and for the past two years I have been filling it with beautiful moments. Photographs of people and things that made me happy. This way, when I look back, I won't just remember how hard and painful those two years were. I'll have proof that good things happened too. Maybe one day I will better see that I have so much more because of this disease, not in spite of it. Sometimes you really do need to stop and smell the flowers

   Yep, they're definitely related to me! This was a rare afternoon I got with my biological nieces and nephew this year! I  used to read aloud to them when they were a lot smaller, but they'll have none of that now. So I put on Howl's Moving Castle instead. Emily, of course, has seen all the Hayao Miyazaki movies with me, since the poor girl was stuck with me and my "old fashioned" ways for a year! The other two, however, were experiencing the amazing imagination of this fantastic Studio Ghibli director for the first time! Pretty sure I got them hooked. Praying they grow up into adults I will be proud of!