The Life of Glory

The greatest gift that my Elohim (God) ever gave me was to tell me that He was set apart from the “Church.” Different from, and not equal to all the shit I was experiencing from church people and all the doctrine I was wrestling with. It happened several years ago. I was just done with everything. Believing in God was exhausting and too painful. So I set out to become an atheist. Only God wouldn’t stop talking. He reminded me of Scripture I didn’t even know I had memorized while watching movies, tv shows, reading books that weren’t supposed to be his mouthpiece. Every day, He spoke to me. So, I challenged Him. I went for a hike and I challenged God’s existence and character, until finally I said, “If you are like [list of names I won’t mention] then I want nothing to do with you.” The answer was earth shattering for me. I sat down and cried for an hour, probably. Completely confused and dumbfounded by its meaning. “I am not the church.” “Who are you, then?” I asked. “Rea...

Religion hurt. Religious people hurt worse. There were always gems, of course. Genuine people that were an absolute blessing. But the bad and misguided outweighed the good in my life. I have a Bachelor's degree in Ministry Praxis, having studied Theology, Ancient Greek, Ancient Hebrew, and Pastoral Care. I was an intern as a Pastor's assistant and a TA for my Bible Professor. I worked as a youth pastor for two churches. I was a worship leader. I've seen people healed right in front of me. Prayed over someone having an asthma attack, unable to breathe, and watched it subside before my very eyes. I've met prophets and intercessors to be reckoned with, and been one myself. But abuse and abandonment followed me wherever I went.  The straw that broke my camel's back was a woman sending me awful emails every Sunday because her husband side hugged me. When she wrote, "your very presence causes me to stumble," I was done. She gave me no choice. I caused ...

To the friends and family of those with PTSD, Anything that reminds us of our trauma, be it a gesture or a phrase, makes it hard for us to open up to you. Trust is now defined by our baggage. If you do not understand our baggage, you will  hurt our feelings and we will  have a hard time trusting you. Even if we grow to trust you in everything, it takes just one phrase for us to guard certain parts of ourselves from you, almost indefinitely. It is our only defense after the hurt and damage that has already been caused.  PTSD teaches us that we can only trust others so far . That there is no one to count on but ourselves. This is probably the biggest tragedy of PTSD in today's culture. Trust is damaged and no one is acknowledging this fact to repair it.  This is not to say that you can never say anything that reminds someone with PTSD of their traumatic experiences. That would be impossible. We, as the victim of PTSD need to have the freedom to express ...