I've fallen but I will get back up
I was washing my hands in the bathroom, coughing through my sore throat and cold. But when I grabbed for the hand towel, I went down. I felt my muscles weaken and get heavy underneath me as the world started floating around me. I fell hard on my knees and before I could steady myself, my shoulder slammed into the ground and my head followed suit. All I could do was cry. Alone. Unable to call for help. Unable to get up for who knows how long. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. I didn't have a clock or a phone. When I got back to our tiny house, tears rushing down my face and new bruises forming, I didn't have the strength to open our finicky door.
This is life with Porphyria/NES.
But when it's done, it's done.
I am not sharing this so you feel sorry for me. I am sharing this because within it is my greatest comfort. There really is a time for everything and none of it is bad.
People shy away from you when you're suffering because let's face it, happy is the goal of our society. But it is a grave mistake to condemn mourning and pain. We have stripped ourselves of power. The power of listening. The power of getting back up. The power of kindness and compassion and empathy.
What would happen if we looked up from our phones and actually noticed the friend who looks sad when they think no one is looking? Do you really think we hide our depression that well? I don't. But no one is looking.
Life is a series of important moments. Big and small, happy and sad. If we condemn any of them, we condemn ourselves and everyone around us. Today, I'm fine because I got back up. There is a time to rest, a time to be depressed, a time to work through the shit you're dealing with, a time to scream, a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to laugh so hard you pee yourself. And all these moments are good. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
When I collapsed on the doorstep of our tiny house my husband opened the door, helped me inside and let me cry on his shoulder. So don't pity me. Don't feel sorry for my disease. Don't be afraid to go to someone when you need them. And don't be afraid to be there for someone if you see that they need it. Or you will miss beautiful moments like this that are made more beautiful because of the deep need they fill. You will miss out on what really gets us through.
What is life without the people you fill it with?
Don't be afraid of the "bad." Love through it.
People shy away from you when you're suffering because let's face it, happy is the goal of our society. But it is a grave mistake to condemn mourning and pain. We have stripped ourselves of power. The power of listening. The power of getting back up. The power of kindness and compassion and empathy.
What would happen if we looked up from our phones and actually noticed the friend who looks sad when they think no one is looking? Do you really think we hide our depression that well? I don't. But no one is looking.
Life is a series of important moments. Big and small, happy and sad. If we condemn any of them, we condemn ourselves and everyone around us. Today, I'm fine because I got back up. There is a time to rest, a time to be depressed, a time to work through the shit you're dealing with, a time to scream, a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to laugh so hard you pee yourself. And all these moments are good. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
When I collapsed on the doorstep of our tiny house my husband opened the door, helped me inside and let me cry on his shoulder. So don't pity me. Don't feel sorry for my disease. Don't be afraid to go to someone when you need them. And don't be afraid to be there for someone if you see that they need it. Or you will miss beautiful moments like this that are made more beautiful because of the deep need they fill. You will miss out on what really gets us through.
What is life without the people you fill it with?
Don't be afraid of the "bad." Love through it.
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