why I learned to be stubborn

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I always hated being told I had mental problems when I was a kid. As if I had no choice but to succumb to erratic panic, heart palpitations, and other emotional outbursts everyone deemed as my mental problems. How is it possible that my mind could have a "mind of its own," so to speak? Am I a slave to my own body?


Most people won't tell you that you can control your mind.

The Buddhist idea of enlightenment is essentially about having control of your mind to find nirvana in absolute truth. The Torah is filled with encouragement that nothing commanded is too hard to do. Yet, psychiatrists told me that I'd just have to try to prevent panicking. As if they didn't think that I could. 

All of life is one day at a time of new experiences, hurtles, struggles, etc., that we have never faced before. It is impossible to prevent freaking out from every single one of those new experiences. The real problem is that freaking out is considered wrong. When I was young it was drilled into my head that I was a problem, a daily inconvenience, because I didn't know how to process things that made me anxious. 

I cannot control my NES. I cannot erase the events in my past that caused my PTSD. I now have physical ailments that are completely out of my control. However, I learned that I can control my thoughts as Buddhists and YHWH teach. I am allowed to feel sad and depressed, and still enjoy time with my friends because I can choose what to focus my mind on. My feelings do not need to dictate my thoughts. I have extreme power over what I think and so do you.

I learned to treat my depression as an emotion that often represents itself physically. I learned that expressing it is not bad. I learned the times and places to appropriately process my feelings. I learned to meditate on what is good when I felt bad. I learned that I have more power over myself than anyone gave me credit for.

We are not slaves to our bodies and ever changing feelings. 

You are in control of yourself and what you do with your ever changing feelings. 

May you find freedom in this truth as I did,
Kelly Ann

Comments

aschmay said…
I agree, though I will say that sometimes emotions make it hard to control your thoughts, and it's a battle I personally deal with. Learning to distract myself when I am upset or thinking on the past when I really shouldn't be bothering anymore. I heard something once. Though I cannot tell you if it actually has helped me, I found it empowering.

"Just because things happen to you, doesn't mean it has to happen to your soul."

Not sure where I heard it, but it's something I aspire to.

<3
March 15, 2019 at 5:52 PM
KELLY ANN said…
Sometimes you do not need to distract yourself. Sometimes you need to sit and think all of your thoughts and emotions and process them. Ask the why, and what do I do now questions. Our society does not seem to allow us to process and work through our emotions, but we all need to do it and practice doing it.
March 16, 2019 at 12:12 PM
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