home sweet mountain home

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after the storm...

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breaking the shell one piece at a time

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Religion hurt. Religious people hurt worse. There were always gems, of course. Genuine people that were an absolute blessing. But the bad and misguided outweighed the good in my life. I have a Bachelor's degree in Ministry Praxis, having studied Theology, Ancient Greek, Ancient Hebrew, and Pastoral Care. I was an intern as a Pastor's assistant and a TA for my Bible Professor. I worked as a youth pastor for two churches. I was a worship leader. I've seen people healed right in front of me. Prayed over someone having an asthma attack, unable to breathe, and watched it subside before my very eyes. I've met prophets and intercessors to be reckoned with, and been one myself. But abuse and abandonment followed me wherever I went.  The straw that broke my camel's back was a woman sending me awful emails every Sunday because her husband side hugged me. When she wrote, "your very presence causes me to stumble," I was done. She gave me no choice. I caused ...
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learning what to do

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I remember one particular seizure in college that started teaching me how to deal with my non-epileptic seizures.   At the time, my college shared a building with a church. There was a full sized couch in one of our practice rooms (it was a music college) that doubled as a nursery. I often went to that room when I felt a seizure coming on so I could lay down safely and not repeatedly hit my head on a hard floor.  This particular day my blood pressure tanked out of the blue during my seizure. So I was laying on the couch, completely paralyzed and lightheaded, with beads of sweat lightly covering me. My heart rate dropped and I remember asking God to kill me right then and there. I was ready. I was so tired.  Very clearly, it was like someone whispered next to my ear, "not yet." I remember crying angry tears then. It was all I could do. Then someone found me, turned on the light, and asked if I was ok. I couldn't answer but for a few quiet, stuttered word...
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2013 Tour P.2

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I left San Jose and headed to Monterey to play at the Mucky Duck on March 10 . I gained some new fans and saw some friends. I even got to spend a couple of days in town and went kayaking for the first time. What a place to kayak! There were sea otters ! Smelly sea lions too, but otters are much cuter. It was so peaceful out on the water, especially in a small floating apparatus that allowed me to stick my feet in the water. Rowing through the ocean swells, my muscles happy to be used again, the sea air blowing in my face, it was wonderful.  Thankful for the friend who took me!   
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