home sweet mountain home again

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20141021_121617

Dreaming about today instead of tomorrow...

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When you're alone and life is keeping you lonely...

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There is little I like less  than intermittently being unable to walk. I just spent two days painfully using a cane to walk. I wish I had a wheelchair to get around in for these moments but neither my house or work has wheelchair access. Using a cane when your legs don't want to hold you up is so painful. The palms of my hands, my fingers, my wrists, my arms all hurt from holding me up for two days. Yesterday morning I pretty much slid down the ladder from our loft bed to go to the bathroom, which is currently in a different house because ours is out of order. When I reached the steps to my tiny house on the way back I literally sat down and dragged myself up them. I was so exhausted when I made it inside I just sat on the floor with my head on the couch crying. This is life. This, apparently, is Porphyria.  It hurts to be this physically weak and I hate  feeling useless . When you suddenly can't walk and you don't know how many days the muscle weakness will c...
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recap round four: I can't.

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July 2012 " 'I can do all things through him who strengthens me' has been my mantra for many years but recently a woman from my church gave me the okay to say "I can't." She said 'we are only human, we have   limits .' It is very hard for me to admit that. However, the freedom I have had this month by simply saying "I can't" and knowing that God gets it, is extraordinary. For the truth of the matter is that I can't handle this. I can't handle leaving church because my right arm won't work and I'm terrified it will move to the rest of my body and cause a scene. I might endure it, for I have no choice, but I really can't physically, emotionally or spiritually handle it. I'm going on 7 years of living like this, a slave to my body, with no answer as to why. And now it has progressed to a stage that prevents me from working like a normal person. Yet  God gave us himself so we can live in the freedom of "I can...
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2013 Tour P.2

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I left San Jose and headed to Monterey to play at the Mucky Duck on March 10 . I gained some new fans and saw some friends. I even got to spend a couple of days in town and went kayaking for the first time. What a place to kayak! There were sea otters ! Smelly sea lions too, but otters are much cuter. It was so peaceful out on the water, especially in a small floating apparatus that allowed me to stick my feet in the water. Rowing through the ocean swells, my muscles happy to be used again, the sea air blowing in my face, it was wonderful.  Thankful for the friend who took me!   
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