I remember one particular seizure in college that started teaching me how to deal with my non-epileptic seizures. At the time, my college shared a building with a church. There was a full sized couch in one of our practice rooms (it was a music college) that doubled as a nursery. I often went to that room when I felt a seizure coming on so I could lay down safely and not repeatedly hit my head on a hard floor. This particular day my blood pressure tanked out of the blue during my seizure. So I was laying on the couch, completely paralyzed and lightheaded, with beads of sweat lightly covering me. My heart rate dropped and I remember asking God to kill me right then and there. I was ready. I was so tired. Very clearly, it was like someone whispered next to my ear, "not yet." I remember crying angry tears then. It was all I could do. Then someone found me, turned on the light, and asked if I was ok. I couldn't answer but for a few quiet, stuttered word...
Hello April! (both the month and my beautiful friend April Green whose house I stayed at when I got back) I returned to Memphis the evening of April 1 st and the rest of my time in Tennessee was quickly filled with hours in the STUDIO! Kirk Smith was amazing to work with and all the pre-production help he gave me before this made our time in the studio a lot smoother than I had expected. See, I am NOT good at playing guitar in time and a producer who can get me to play in time is, seriously, the BIZ-NESS ! Not to mention the fact that his arrangement "suggestions" made my songs even better! Then we brought in my friend Matt Fritzler to play some percussion on some songs, as well as Chaz Mattison on the shaker. I couldn't have dreamt of better people to work with on this project! Now, I am looking forward to a day when I can play with people LIVE to re-create the magic we made in the studio (it's THAT awesome!) - Beyond excited!
Christian theology emphasizes our fallen world and fallen humanity right and left. Jesus came to be the "2nd Adam" because the first Adam condemned us all to be slaves to sin (no matter how hard we fight it). I have a big problem with this teaching. The aim is to point everyone to their need for salvation and make what is holy fundamentally necessary in our lives (i.e., to point us to Christ). However, the reality is that it teaches us to look down on our planet, ourselves, and those around us as fallen or ruined until Christ comes again. Salvation is supposed to be what sets us free from this slavery to sin and death. However, Christianity never gave me freedom from sin. It merely gave me freedom to confess my sins and gave me forgiveness . Sure, that perfect, utopian, absolute freedom from sin happens when you die or Jesus returns, but what about now? I'll be honest, as a kid, it made me hate myself, and want to kill myself. I'm talking ...
Comments